• The Porsha Principles eBook is on sale for the month of July.

• Together with your partner use the eBook to do one of the couple’s exercises from the Porsha Principles every 2-3 weeks.

• What type of exercises? The table above gives you four examples.

Get the Porsha Principles eBook at a 55% discount ($20) for the month of July!

Living your lifelong honeymoon is achievable.

Get the relationship you deserve!

The post Make the Rest of the Year the Best of the Year for You and Your Partner! appeared first on Porsha Principles.

But you can also tell when a couple is together, but not really. They may be in the same room, they may be eating at the same table, they even may be touching or hugging. But you can tell that they aren’t really together-together, at best they are together-separately.

How Do You Know?

How do you know if you are together-together or together-separately? Here are 8 key indicators.

When you are with your partner, do you frequently find yourself…

• Thinking negative thoughts about your partner?

• Wanting to minimize the time together?

• Wanting to do something else?

• Wanting to be somewhere else or with someone else?

• Drifting off when your partner is talking?

• Searching for things to say to keep the conversation flowing?

• Reaching for your phone rather than to your partner for conversation?

• Engaging with other people instead of your partner?

Couples who were once very loving and connected can find themselves more and more showing signs of being together-separately.

What Can You Do?

When couples begin losing their connection and living life together-separately, it is often because they have put low priority on their relationship and each other for an extended period of time.

Principle 8 from The Porsha Principles describes strategies for professing, protecting, and prioritizing your relationship. Here are ten strategies I recommend to begin rebuilding your connection.

It all starts with your thinking.

1.Replace any negative thoughts about your partner with positive reminders of what makes your partner special to you.

Your feelings and behaviors are directly influenced by your thoughts. If you allow your thoughts about your partner to be dominated by negativity, it can begin changing both how you feel about your partner and your behavior toward them. To rebuild connection, it’s critical that you pay attention to your thinking about your partner and be vigilant about eliminating negative thinking.

2.    When you find yourself “drifting away” from your partner, realize that this is what you are doing; make a conscious decision to drift back in by starting with a positive thought that your partner is special to you and you love spending time with them.

After working on your thinking, next focus on changing your words.

3.    Make it a point to vocalize positive thoughts and feelings about your partner on a regular basis.

4.    Restate your acceptance of each other and your commitment to the relationship; this allows each of you to be who you are and to do the relationship work in a safe and supportive way.

Next, focus on your behaviors.

5.    When you are spending time with your partner, treat it like you were in a meeting with a VIP and give them your full undivided attention.

6.    Find new fun things to do together to add variety and keep things exciting.

7.    Hold weekly date nights to maintain a regular romantic connection.

8.    Take quarterly excursions to have time away alone with each other.

9.    Consider a couple’s retreat to continue to build skills in sustaining healthy, positive interaction with one another.

Finally, be sure to monitor together how the two of you are doing.

10. Monitor how your connection is improving and how your partner is evolving by regularly checking in on how the connection is going and talking about changes to each other’s interests and dreams.

By prioritizing your relationship, you are showing your partner that they matter to you, and that the relationship matters to you as well. This is another critical step in creating and sustaining your lifelong honeymoon. Remember, it all starts with your thoughts.

Additional Resources…

These strategies are pulled from the over 60 strategies included in The Porsha Principles.

• Free resources are available to help you refresh your relationship at PorshaPrinciples.com.

• Consider our half-day, live, virtual Relationship Refresher, coming up in February.

Living your lifelong honeymoon is achievable if both partners are consistently willing to practice core strategies like these. Get the relationship you deserve!

The post Are You Together-Together or Are You Together-Separately? appeared first on Porsha Principles.

Of the eight principles, which would you and your partner benefit from the most?

Is it cultivating intimacy? Managing the differences? Or is addressing conflict, repairing ruptures, or one of the other Porsha Principles?

Take the free Porsha Principles Assessment and find out.

• Take six minutes now to answer the 24 questions and get a detailed report courtesy of Porsha Principles with specific recommendations for your primary area of need.
• Want to get a comparison report with your partner? You can select the premium report that compares where the two of you stand and provides detailed recommendations FOR EACH of the eight Porsha Principles.

 Take the Assessment

Additional Resources…

Free resources are available to help you refresh your relationship at PorshaPrinciples.com.

Consider our half-day, live, virtual Relationship Refresher, coming up in January and on sale through the end of the month.

Living your lifelong honeymoon is achievable if both partners are consistently willing to practice core strategies like these. Get the relationship you deserve!

The post Which Principle Should We Focus On? appeared first on Porsha Principles.

Here are five things to do to refresh your relationship.

1. Start by completing the free Porsha Principles Online Assessment to quickly identify what areas in your relationship needs refreshing.

2. Practice the three S’s to intimacy. (From Principle 2: Cultivate Intimacy….on deeper levels.)

   • Share something with your partner they are unaware of about you.

   • Seek your partner out to connect with them mentally or physically.

   • Support your partner in an area you know they need you.

3. Create a shortened version of our 14-Day Lift Your Partner Challenge by choosing a day to do three things special for one another to lift each other up to the fullest. (From Principle 3: Lift Your Partner…every day.)

4. Identify together the fire starters that cause friction and frustration between you. Make a commitment to eliminate them completely for two weeks. This will help you make a hard stop with interacting in a way that hurts one another, and it will make a pathway for creating new loving ways of connecting. (From Principle 5: Avoid the Fire starters… they can ignite a blaze.)

5. Put your partner first over something else important to you. Make time for that “thing” they’ve been wanting to do with you by blocking off the time on your calendar. (From Principle 8: Protect, Profess and Prioritize Your relationship… with your thoughts words and actions.)

Free resources are available to help you refresh your relationship at PorshaPrinciples.com. Consider our half-day, live, virtual Relationship Refresher, coming up in January and on sale through the end of the month.

Living your lifelong honeymoon is achievable if both partners are consistently willing to practice core strategies like these. Get the relationship you deserve!

Take the Next Step…

These strategies are pulled from the over 60 strategies included in The Porsha Principles. Through my workshops, videos, and books, let me show you and your partner a comprehensive approach for loving and fulfilling relationships that you can start using today to lay the foundation for YOUR lifelong honeymoon.

My Video Series is designed to give you and your partner a step-by-step guide for managing differences and creating and sustaining your lifelong honeymoon.

The post Five Strategies to Refresh Your Relationship appeared first on Porsha Principles.

According to the Oxford Languages, the definition of gratitude is: “The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.”  Practicing gratitude is strongly associated with overall greater happiness, better health, and better relationships.

Porsha Principle 3, Lift Your Partner…Everyday, can help easily guide couples in gifting their partner with gratitude during this Thanksgiving holiday.  It is essential for your lifelong honeymoon that you lift your partner everyday by learning to love them the way they want to be loved. It’s the small, daily acts of thoughtfulness and attention that breed intimacy and friendship. And during the holiday season, these daily acts are especially important to build intimacy and stir  the fires of passion.

However, lifting your partner can be challenging in any season if their love language is different from yours. So, what are strategies you might use? Here are just a few strategies for showing love to your partner.

Know Your Partner’s Love Language

First, you must know your partner’s love language.  The quickest way to do this is by asking your partner what I call The Magic Love Language Question adapted from Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages: “What’s the one thing I could do that would make you feel more loved by me?”

Take Action

But just knowing your partners love language is not enough.  It is important to express your love in multiple ways according to your partner’s love language. Here’s some examples of how to do just that!

If your partners love language is…

Words of affirmation

• Show gratitude by leaving little notes of compliments for your partner daily during this holiday season.

• Vocalize positive thoughts and feelings about your partner in their presence and in the presence of others.

• Write a love letter or poem to your partner about how thankful you are for them.

Acts of service

• Ask your partner to create a list of things that they would love for you to do to help prepare for Thanksgiving.

• Show gratitude by giving a helping hand in the kitchen.

• When you see your partner has a need, don’t wait until they ask for help, instead initiate helping them.

Receiving Gifts

• Get creative and give your partner a coupon book full of gifts (e.g., electronic device, necklace, pair of shoes) that they can redeem over the holiday season.

• Show gratitude by gifting your partner with one of their favorite things (remember the small things).

• Instead of a coupon book of gifts, make the coupons various personal actions such as “good for an evening out,” “good for a foot massage, “or“ good for taking care of a chore.”

Quality time

• Show gratitude to your partner by letting them know you want to spend time with them; discuss the top 5 things you like to do as a couple and make plans to do at least one or two of them during the holiday season.

• Carve out daily “sacred space” for 30 minutes to give your partner your undivided attention especially amid the chaos the holiday season can bring.

• Plan a middle-of-the-day lunch date.

Physical touch

• Show gratitude by greeting your partner with hugs and kisses regularly during the holidays.

• At random times when you are together reach out and stroke/caress your partner.

• Plan a sexy evening for your partner.

Using these strategies during the holiday season will let your partner know how grateful you are to them and will continue to create positive love deposits that help create and sustain your lifelong honeymoon.

Take the Next Step…

These strategies for giving the gift of gratitude are pulled from the over 60 strategies included in The Porsha Principles. Through my workshops, videos, and books, let me show you and your partner a comprehensive approach for loving and fulfilling relationships that you can start using today to lay the foundation for YOUR lifelong honeymoon.

My Video Series is designed to give you and your partner a step-by-step guide for managing differences and creating and sustaining your lifelong honeymoon.

The post Give the Gift of Gratitude to Your Partner appeared first on Porsha Principles.

In earlier blogs I talked about how to identify your critical differences and how to proactively manage them. This blog focuses on what to do if you or your partner has mismanaged a difference.

Couples can mismanage their differences in a number of ways that can strain a relationship. A mismanaged difference often results in one or more negative feelings, such as:

• Feeling irritated because your partner isn’t doing something the way you think it should be done.

• Feeling frustrated because your partner isn’t considering your needs in a particular situation.

• Feeling judged or diminished because your partner doesn’t value your viewpoint.

• Feeling angry that your partner is insisting on doing things their way.

When you or your partner experience feelings like these because of a mismanaged difference, consider the following five steps.

1.    Request a redo.

One of the fastest and easiest ways I teach couples to intervene with a mismanaged difference is to say, “Stop. Can I have a redo and start over?” Emotional reactions are what typically happen automatically, so everyone is prone to a “slip” here and there. As soon as you or your partner are aware that you are not managing a difference well, activate this strategy!

2.    Practice assertive communication.

Slow things down by practicing the three main components of assertive communication:

• Use I-statements.

For example, instead of saying, “You just think about yourself,” an appropriate I-statement might be, “I feel dismissed and uncared for when it doesn’t seem you are taking my needs into consideration.”

I-statements reflect your thoughts and feelings to your partner. Using I-statements instead of You-statements helps disarm your partner and discourages them from reacting with defensive behaviors.

• Use feeling words.

Your partner is more likely to respond to you in a more loving way when you share a vulnerable feeling with them instead of blaming them for something and expecting them to respond in an empathic way.

People often have difficulty identifying their deeper, more vulnerable feelings to their partner. Therefore, I recommend partners have a “feelings wheel” handy to help them identify their deeper emotions. (You can download a feelings wheel by doing a search on this term using your favorite search engine.)

(https://lifegifts.net/products/feeling-wheel-poster?)

• Ask specifically for what you need.

A vague request can leave your partner feeling lost and not knowing what action to take. Therefore it is important that your request be specific as opposed to vague and general. This will help your partner understand how they can help you most effectively in the here and now.

For example, instead of saying, “I need to feel loved by you,” say, “Will you come close and wrap your arms around me, so I feel your love?”

3.    Use reflective listening.

• Couples frequently make faulty assumptions about what their partner’s words and/or actions mean.

• When you and your partner are navigating through a difference, it can be very helpful to restate your partner’s message often to let them know you understand them clearly before you move through the discussion. This strategy can drastically reduce unnecessary misunderstandings.

Examples of how to start a reflective listening statement

–       What I hear you saying is …

–      Let me make sure I have this right …

–       It sounds like what you are saying is …. Is that right?

• There may be times when your partner is not communicating with words. You can use reflective listening to reflect back the behavior you see versus what you hear. For example, you might say:

–       I noticed you have been really quiet all day…

4.    Seek solutions that respect the differences.

• In seeking solutions, you will want to use strategies we cover in Principle 6, Addressing conflict, for creating solutions to resolve conflict.

• In seeking solutions, it is also important to avoid A/B thinking. A/B thinking occurs when one partner suggests A and the other suggests B, and the couple gets stuck arguing A versus B. Yet if they opened their discussion to seek other alternatives, they might find that there are other options (C, D, and E) that might be even better.

5.    Monitor the intervention for success.

• After you have implemented strategies to address a difference, be sure to check back in with each other to gain key learnings.

–       Was the strategy effective?

–       Is there more that needs to be done now to address this issue?

–       Is there a way we could have implemented the strategy to have made it even more effective?

–       Is there something we can do to help prevent the strategy from being needed in the future?

Take the Next Step…

These strategies for managing differences are pulled from the over 60 strategies included in The Porsha Principles. Through my workshops, videos, and books, let me show you and your partner a comprehensive approach for loving and fulfilling relationships that you can start using today to lay the foundation for YOUR lifelong honeymoon.

My Video Series is designed to give you and your partner a step-by-step guide for managing differences and creating and sustaining your lifelong honeymoon.

The post Oops! 5 Steps for Recovering from a Mismanaged Difference appeared first on Porsha Principles.

For many partners sexual intimacy can be a powerful outward expression of the love they feel for one another. The giving and receiving of sexual pleasure can be a source of passion that energizes and uplifts the relationship.

Yet for others the sexual component of the relationship can be fraught with frustration, power struggles, and feelings of being used. For these people, the idea of sex with their partner can bring, on a good day, a sense of apathy, and on a bad day a sense of distain or dread.

My experience with hundreds of couples over my career has led me to conclude that to create and sustain a sexual relationship that is uplifting and fulfilling for both partners requires that each feels valued, supported, safe, desired, and, perhaps most importantly, cared for.

How do you achieve this? It will depend both on your needs and the needs of your partner. This will differ for every couple. However, I have found that there is a set of prerequisites—the things that must be in place to achieve a sexual relationship that is uplifting and fulfilling for both partners

Prerequisites for an Uplifting and Fulfilling Sexual Relationship

1. An unselfish desire to fulfill each other’s needs

2. The openness to share and the willingness to listen

3. An all-out commitment to the ongoing learning process of adapting, giving and taking feedback, and adapting again, and then again

With these prerequisites in place, you and your partner can discuss and understand one another’s sexual preferences and come to a conclusion on how to address some of the major questions surrounding sex.

• How frequently do you generally desire sex?

• What are the things that get you in the mood for sex?

• What are the things that break the mood for sex for you?

• What are your preferences when having sex? What most turns you on?

• What role would you want sex toys, pornography, or other sex aids to play in our sex life?

• What have been past traumas for you, if any, related to sex?

• Overall, how do we address our sexual differences?

What if My Relationship Doesn’t Meet the Prerequisites?

What do you do if YOU meet all three prerequisites for an uplifting and fulfilling sexual relationship, but you feel your partner doesn’t…or vice-versa?

If you or your partner are not interested in seeking to fulfill the other’s needs, or not willing to talk about each other’s needs, or not willing to give and receive feedback, or adapt to learnings, it will be extremely difficult to achieve the level of sexual relationship that is uplifting and fulfilling for both of you.

If this is the case in your relationship, it may be time to enter couples therapy to address and resolve the blocks that are standing in your way. While this is not a service we provide at Porsha Principles, on our website you will find trusted referral partners who may be able to help.

Take the Next Step…

These intimacy concepts and strategies are pulled from the over sixty strategies included in The Porsha Principles. Through my workshops, videos, and book, let me show you and your partner simple steps that you can start using today to lay the foundation for YOUR lifelong honeymoon.

• The Weekend Retreat

• The Virtual Workshop

• The Video Series

• The Porsha Principles book

• The Porsha Principles eBook

Can your relationship benefit from the Porsha Principles? Find out. Take the free assessment.

The post Intimacy Part 4: So, What about the Sex Thing? appeared first on Porsha Principles.

In the first two blogs in this four-part series, I talked about the three keys to deepening relationship intimacy and how to assess the level of intimacy in your relationship. This blog is all about strategies for increasing intimacy.

Intimacy is a crucial part of any relationship. It is through intimacy that a couple truly gets to know each other and learn how to support and love one another in a way that leads to hyper fulfillment and sustained enjoyment for a lifetime.

If you want to deepen the level of intimacy in your relationship, I want to suggest five strategies in particular.

1. Daily seeking. Make daily time for you and you partner to check in with one another at an intimate level. Make sure the conversation goes beyond, “How was your day?” Seek to understand your partner’s present dreams, desires, interests, and challenges and learn how to increase your support for them. Here are questions you may find helpful to move the conversation to a deeper level of intimacy.

• What are your hopes and dreams currently?

• How can I help support you in them?

• What’s been on your mind today?

• How did that make you feel?

• Why is that important to you?

• What’s the biggest challenge you’re facing right now?

• What did you take away from…?

• What do you wish you had done about…?

2. Proactive sharing. Be proactive in disclosing your own thoughts and feelings. As examples:

• When your partner does something that you like, go beyond “Thank you,” or “That was nice.” Be specific about what you liked and why you liked it. This additional information deepens intimacy and your partner’s knowledge of what’s important to you and why.

  • Example: “I really liked it when you brought me flowers today. It makes me know that you think about me even when we are apart.”

• When your partner does something that you don’t like, don’t ignore the behavior or stop at, “I didn’t like that.” Instead, let your partner know how it made you feel and why.

  • Example: “You promised that you would make time for you and me tonight, but you spent two hours talking with your girlfriends on the phone about your day. That makes me feel sad because your actions say to me that my desires are not that important to you.”

• If you have been churning on something and you realize you have been keeping it to yourself, don’t continue churning. Instead, turn to your partner and share what’s been on your mind.

  • Example: “Hey, I may have seemed a bit distracted lately. There’s something that’s been bothering me that I want to share with you because I can use your help in thinking it through.”

3. Supportive response. When your partner does share an intimate thought, a supportive response is often necessary to promote further deepening of your intimacy. Here is a quick list of dos and don’ts:

4.    Connection rituals. Be intentional about making memories by creating rituals of connection to increase your level of trust, reliance, and predictability with each other. With higher levels of trust, you and your partner will likely feel more comfortable with going to deeper levels of intimacy. Your connection rituals might include activities such as the following.

• Morning coffee time

• Mid-day “thinking of you” texts

• Occasional special sex dates

• Weekly date night out

• Working on a scrap book documenting your travels

• Holiday trips

• “Cuddle quickies”

5.    Intentional acts of love. Recognize what makes your partner feel close to you and give that gift to them as a way of deepening intimacy. For example, for your partner the key might be praising them, touching them, giving something to them, doing something for them, or just spending time with them. Whatever it is for your partner, be intentional about giving them what they need to feel close. (When we talk about lifting your partner in Principle 3, we will more thoroughly discuss love languages and how to ensure your partner is feeling loved.)

Take the Next Step…

These intimacy concepts and strategies are extracted from the over sixty strategies included in The Porsha Principles. Through my workshops, videos, and book, let me show you and your partner simple steps that you can start using today to lay the foundation for YOUR lifelong honeymoon.

• The Weekend Retreat

• The Virtual Workshop

• The Video Series

• The Porsha Principles book

• The Porsha Principles eBook

Can your relationship benefit from the Porsha Principles? Find out. Take the free assessment.

The post Intimacy Part 3: Five Strategies for Increasing Intimacy in Your Relationship appeared first on Porsha Principles.

Destination wedding planning can be a wonderful experience, but it can also add a lot of pressure on the couple. There’s a lot to organize starting with the financial aspects of the trip, the personal preferences of the couple, and the effort to please each and every guest attending the event. You can easily get lost by the overwhelming details.

How do you manage this process while making your relationship even stronger?

In this blog created in conjunction with Hola Weddings, Porsha  provides wedding planning advice for couples on their way to the altar. With her guidance, you can turn your wedding planning worries into wedding planning bliss, and start your life together more in love than ever before!

In the blog, Porsha answers:

• How will the relationship change after the engagement?

• How to plan a destination wedding that works for every couple?

• How much should my partner be involved in the wedding planning process?

• Oh no, family/couples drama in sight! How to avoid being affected as a couple by family feuds, if any?

• What are the most important things to keep in mind during the whole wedding planning process?

Click here for the full blog.

Take the Next Step…

These concepts and strategies are extracted from the over sixty strategies included in The Porsha Principles. Through my workshops, videos, and book, let me show you and your partner simple steps that you can start using today to lay the foundation for YOUR lifelong honeymoon.

• The Weekend Retreat

• The Virtual Workshop

• The Video Series

• The Porsha Principles book

• The Porsha Principles eBook

Can your relationship benefit from the Porsha Principles? Find out. Take the free assessment.

The post Top Wedding Planning Advice for Couples appeared first on Porsha Principles.

There are many areas in a relationship for developing intimacy. In my work I have found five in particular tend to form the pillars of a strong, long-term, fulfilling relationship.

• Emotional intimacy

•  Sexual intimacy

• Physical intimacy (i.e., touch and affection)

• Spiritual intimacy

• Financial intimacy

I like using the iceberg analogy to describe three depths of intimacy: surface, shallow, and deep.

• Surface. For many couples, intimacy stops at the tip of the iceberg. Their interaction is at the surface level, and they fail to connect with the depth of their partner because they don’t ask and learn about meaningful thoughts and feelings that lie beneath the surface.

• Shallow. Other couples get under the surface and into the shallow depths of intimacy, but often shy away from the deeper discussions to avoid conflict, or uncomfortable conversations, or strong emotions (their own or their partner’s).

• Deep. However, couples who regularly demonstrate vulnerability, support for their partner, and a willingness to openly communicate, are typically able to move into deep and more fulfilling depths of intimacy.

The tables that follow demonstrates for each of the five intimacy areas what intimacy might look like at the surface, shallow, and deep intimacy levels. The depth of intimacy a couple has can vary across the five areas of intimacy. For example, a couple’s level of intimacy may be deep in some areas but surface in others. Note as well that it is not unusual for couples to find that they haven’t yet achieved even the surface depth of intimacy in one or more areas.

What happens when you don’t have an adequate depth of intimacy in your relationship? You may hear things like this from your partner.

• I don’t understand you …

• You never listen to me …

• You just don’t get me …

• Sometimes I don’t think I really know you at all …

• Why can’t you just be happy with …

• I feel completely alone …

• I can’t go on like this …

When I hear the panic, sadness, and hopelessness in phrases like these in my couple therapy sessions, it’s a very strong indication that the couple is having an intimacy breakdown.

Consider taking some time with your partner to evaluate together the depth of intimacy in your relationship across the five areas. In the third part of the series, I provide five strategies to increase intimacy in your relationship.

Take the Next Step…

These intimacy concepts and strategies are extracted from the over sixty strategies included in The Porsha Principles. Through my workshops, videos, and book, let me show you and your partner simple steps that you can start using today to lay the foundation for YOUR lifelong honeymoon.

• The Weekend Retreat

• The Virtual Workshop

• The Video Series

• The Porsha Principles book

• The Porsha Principles eBook

Can your relationship benefit from the Porsha Principles? Find out. Take the free assessment.

The post Intimacy Part 2: What’s the Depth of Intimacy in Your Relationship? appeared first on Porsha Principles.